It might have come to pass, at some point in the past couple of weeks, that I found myself sitting across two tables, in the span of five hours, from two much younger, very beautiful, exceedingly intelligent men. Both men, across from me, at both tables. Best friends. Autodidacts. Philosopher. Artist. Soldiers. Both Hispanic, both from rural NM, raised together. Thinkers. They asked me to be their mentor.

They might have inspired this song.

It might have come to pass, that at one point during the second table, a coffeeshop, the one on the left gave a half-grin, looked me in the eye and asked, “Have you ever been with two men at once?” It might have been that I almost choked on my tea.

“No. But I would not be opposed.”

Pretty, pretty, both. In different ways. The one on the left a natural runner, long and lean, with paint on his hands and arms, pain and play and purpose in his eyes, a mouth that moves with a mind that moves at the speed of light. The one on the right a rottweiler, solid, strong, sturdy, loyal to someone, not me, never to me, but to someone; to the one on the left. Artist calls rottweiler his husband. But they are straight.

“You are one of the few completely, truly free people I’ve ever met,” the artist tells me. He is that, too, for me. And I am done with labels and expectations. I am done with trying to find normal. I am not normal. I have never been. I am this, a passionate thing that makes things. Happiest alone, creating. But happy, too, in the company of other such ones. Ones like these.

They would never do the thing he asked, not with each other and me, maybe someone else and me. I swallow my tea. They are too close. They have shared a partner before, but never at the same time. They could share me. As mentor, as friend, as, maybe. Maybe that. Who knows?

Millennials.

And I, an old woman in my desert, with sand between my toes. I’d not felt hope for even the hope of rain. Not in a long time. But this hope, with 50 in February, is rational. Monsoon. A two-headed storm that comes, then goes.

And I will let it.

Lyrics:

I did not expect this
So long in my desert, I’d
Come to love the death kiss of sun
And sand, and sky
Then just like that, your clouds came
Crackling dark, with electricity
Throwing thunderbolts, you melted my chains
Zeus come to save, to save
Me
But I don’t really think that I
Am a woman who needs saving now
Other young men have tried, but time

Time is not on our side

Drown, let me drown
In your unexpected rain
Oh let me, please let me
Let me drown
I want to play
In a flood of sweet mistakes
Let me, please let me
Drown

I float here and feel this
So long without swimming, I
Had come to love the skin-torching fun
Of me, myself and why?
But just like that, these Gods came
Speaking dark, with such intensity
Tracing lightning scroll
It looked like my name
Eros come to save, to save
Me
But I don’t really think that I
Am a woman who needs saving now
Other young men have tried, but time

Time is not on our side

Drown, let me drown
In your unexpected rain
Oh let me, oh let me
Let me drown
I want to play
In a flood of sweetest pain
Let me, oh let me
Drown

Oh let me drown, oh let me drown, let me drown, let me drown
Let me drown, let me drown
Drown, drown
Cuz I don’t really think that I
Am worth saving
Drown, let me drown
In your unexpected
Drown let me drown
I want to play, yeah
I want to play

I want to play…

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s